June 2014 update

a quick update to all of my blog fans:

I was in a bike accident, but am doing fine. I just deeply bruised my leg and sprained my IT band, but other than a few other scrapes, I am doing just great. My sister who went to north carolina is now back and safe, and my eldest sister has bought a car, and I am about to start working. That's right, yours truly, becoming a full-fledged employee. I will be working at a movie theater in town, and I am super excited about my first day there, which is in a few days. We are trying to find a house, and that  hasn't been successful lately, and we have been packing which has been kind of a nail biter if you ask  me, since moving to me means that when you pack, you know exactly where you're supposed to go next, and it just seems like we are packing on blind faith that we are going to find a house. So, yeah. talk about stressful. What else? Changes have been happening, so many that's it's hard to keep track. Sometimes you will like me, end up at a crossroads and instead of knowing what direction you're going to take, you stand there, completely bewildered as to where to turn next.

 I mean, we can follow a road, certain we know where we're going, but there will always be that pesky little fork in the road. Will you turn to the left? or the right? I feel like I am still dealing with that problem myself. If only we knew all our lives what we were going to be doing. But by the grace of God, we don't so we continue to take this route, and when that doesn't work for us, we turn around and take the other route available to us. And a time will come when we need to make the final decision of where our lives will go: To the right or to the left. I don't exactly know where we're going next as a family, but I know it involves adoption. That's what happens on the road called life: You might know one thing, but the rest is just not easily seen yet. I mean, as far as I know, we probably won't adopt until all the kids have left the house, or we will start adopting as soon as we move into our new house, which I don't exactly know where that is to be yet. My greatest wish right now is to go into the future, and see my twenty or so older self, to see what she's doing, so that I don't have to worry about my situation right now. But we as human beings, as easy as time machine building might be in the books and movies, we just haven't been able to do yet, sadly. As much as we want to see our older selves and breathe a sigh of relief and say "That's what happens," right now, until someone proves otherwise, is just impossible to do. I know that as much as I want to do that, I am just going to have to take the road less traveled, as Robert Frost put it, and I am going to hope that it makes all the difference. And be praying that it's a good difference. 

Two Roads diverged in a wood, and I took 

the one less traveled,

And that has made all the

Difference.

-Robert Frost

May 2014

hey blog fans,
quick update on me:
My eighteen-year-old sister is graduating
My other sister is going to north carolina,
We are thinking about moving off the farm

Plus, things have been really hard for me. Fifteen seems to be the age where you figure things out, and it's not exactly easy. The way I am figuring things out is that I am getting in trouble with my parents constantly. I mean, of course there's gotta always be a line in the sad, right? And there ware two sides of that line, it just seems like I am ending up on the wrong side. I mean, just this morning, I got hit with a large punishment that is month long, and boy, dies it hurt. I wish I could obey, but I don't why I am always screwing up like this. The worst thing is making my parents mad constantly, and bringing a sour mood to everyone around me. (There's always a ripple effect, I've noticed).

 And I know it's wrong, but I don't know how it's going to get better. My dad told me I was going to with my mom to a bible study about traumas, you know, like birth traumas, or something that happened to you in your childhood. My mom apologized one night, telling me that the reason why I had a whole lot of behavioral problems was that she had been feeling a whole lot of things, and those emotions were transferred to me while in the womb. It's just this cycle that I just can't seem to get out of. Please be praying as I cope withe the consequences of my actions. And I mean, it's not that bad of a consequence, it's just involving something that I love to do as a pastime that has been taken from me momentarily. And I will get it back, I just have to prove myself worthy of getting it back. I guess it's just another lesson on how God works, you know. You really like something, and you tend to do it too much, so He decides strip that away to make you low so that you are humbled and willing to say, "You know, I was wrong in doing it." I guess this time I have is to draw closer to God and be willing to have myself laid low and humbled. It's something that I struggle with, So I ask that you have me in your prayers.
thank you all so much for reading my posts along the way, and pray that God will continue to humble me so that I will be able to make my family happy again, cause i know i am causing them so much grief. pray that i will put myself at the cross and be willing to die to self, so that he can work in me.



More of you, less of me.

So, quick update:
 A couple of my siblings got injured while snowboarding (Who said that sports came without risk?) We are trying to get our adopting started, particularly sibling groups, and if you are interested in looking at their site and supporting them, here is the link:
http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/tribe-growing-family-seeks-assistance-to-adopt/137733/update/132244

but anyway, I thought I should share a poem, one I wrote about abortion:

Sorry

a poem about abortion by Mariah Evans

They said it would be easy

They lied

They said it was just a lump of tissue

But I knew it was more than that.

He said he would leave if I didn’t get “it”, “taken care of”.

He wasn’t ready for a kid yet, and he

thought I wasn’t either, but he was 

rong.

If I hadn’t done it, would I have had

a son 

or daughter?

Every day, I feel

an emptiness

inside of me 

An enormous void that I can’t fill

My grief is an ocean

And I’m drowning

In tears that I’ve shed

caused by the guilt

Of giving in

And intentionally 

snuffing out a light

that might’ve become

someone I could’ve loved.

I’m sorry.

Please know, wherever you are, that

I’m sorry.

-Mariah F. Evans

Sorry bout the long wait, guys, it's been a long past couple of months for me. See, I've been searching for an affordable macbook, and all of my searching has turned up dry but I was able to find an affordable enough iPad which suits me just fine. I was able to play with it, get a few apps, and read a book on there, and have fun. All I need is just a keyboard for an iPad, to make it look like a macbook. but anyway, things have been going all right for me, and I am looking forward to a trip to see a relative in a little bit. Sorry I haven't been able write anything but I am uber thankful for the people who have stayed around long enough to give me enough blogviews. I am so thankful for you guys and i'm glad that you guys have been here to support my first year as a blogger. Again, thank you so much!!!!

Hey guys,
sorry I haven't been able to write anything new lately, I have been throughout the gauntlet, and have been laid out with a sore throat for a few days including an awful cough that makes me sound like a frog afterwards. (But not Kermit, mind you). It was really bad the first day, but it's improved over the past couple of days, cause my mom has been pushing all kinds of essential oils into me. But other than that, it's 2014, and the new year has begun. With a new year, comes the new plans: the movies, the books, the travels, and did I mention the movies? This past year has been quite eventful for me, with ups and downs and highs and lows, but hey, who doesn't???

But what pulls us through the the year?? Is it a promise, maybe?? Or something you heard from Father God??? Something that gives enough strength to make you pull through the year??? I know I did. I felt like this last year went out with a bang, and it wasn't good in that sense. I felt like people were traveling more than me, and that I had to fill in for them, and  there was drama, and a whole bunch of other stuff. Some of it was good, and the rest wasn't.

But I'm not going to complain, I had a lot of fun with friends, being able to see movies, or just talk and laugh and play card games. But those are the best things in life; the little things, and those are what matter most to us. Some of us might be the kind of people who want to do something big, or want to have something big happen, in fact, I am definitely one of those people, but it's a new year, and before I plan big, I start with the little things first. I want to travel, I make it happen somehow by knowing what's on the calendar. I want to get a job, I start with a resume. What I am trying to do right now is that I'm starting small before the plans get bigger. I mean, why plan big if it's only going to blow up in your face??? Start small, and get to the big plans later. Thank you all so much for supporting my first year as a blogger, and happy new year!!!!

So, if any of y'all had any technical difficulties finding my page, I apologize, cause I thought I would change the title of my web address since I'm not 14 any more. So the web address is back to normal, and will stay that way and will not change again. Please let me know in the comments if anyone had difficulty finding my blog, and if so, I apologize again!!!

hey y'all,
sorry I haven't been able to do that video post I promised you, but I will get around to doing it as soon as I can. So, recap of this past holiday weekend: friends, family, turkey, fun, laughter, turkey, lots of games, and did I mention turkey??? And right now, turkey has pretty much played itself out on my digestive system. But other than that, thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays because we not only celebrate the importance of family and friends, but we also celebrate the fact that we get to have free practice of religion. And that's saying something, because long ago, christians were forbidden to even meet for bible studies because if they were caught, the outcome would be death. Things might come to that same situation here in America, but as for now, we have a right to be thankful for what God has given us and is going to give. But the number one thing I am thankful for is you guys for reading my blogs and continuing to follow it!!!! Thank you guys soooo much! Comment below and let me know how your thanksgiving went! Thanks again, and God bless!!!