quick update on me:
My eighteen-year-old sister is graduating
My other sister is going to north carolina,
We are thinking about moving off the farm
Plus, things have been really hard for me. Fifteen seems to be the age where you figure things out, and it's not exactly easy. The way I am figuring things out is that I am getting in trouble with my parents constantly. I mean, of course there's gotta always be a line in the sad, right? And there ware two sides of that line, it just seems like I am ending up on the wrong side. I mean, just this morning, I got hit with a large punishment that is month long, and boy, dies it hurt. I wish I could obey, but I don't why I am always screwing up like this. The worst thing is making my parents mad constantly, and bringing a sour mood to everyone around me. (There's always a ripple effect, I've noticed).
And I know it's wrong, but I don't know how it's going to get better. My dad told me I was going to with my mom to a bible study about traumas, you know, like birth traumas, or something that happened to you in your childhood. My mom apologized one night, telling me that the reason why I had a whole lot of behavioral problems was that she had been feeling a whole lot of things, and those emotions were transferred to me while in the womb. It's just this cycle that I just can't seem to get out of. Please be praying as I cope withe the consequences of my actions. And I mean, it's not that bad of a consequence, it's just involving something that I love to do as a pastime that has been taken from me momentarily. And I will get it back, I just have to prove myself worthy of getting it back. I guess it's just another lesson on how God works, you know. You really like something, and you tend to do it too much, so He decides strip that away to make you low so that you are humbled and willing to say, "You know, I was wrong in doing it." I guess this time I have is to draw closer to God and be willing to have myself laid low and humbled. It's something that I struggle with, So I ask that you have me in your prayers.
thank you all so much for reading my posts along the way, and pray that God will continue to humble me so that I will be able to make my family happy again, cause i know i am causing them so much grief. pray that i will put myself at the cross and be willing to die to self, so that he can work in me.
More of you, less of me.
