Thursday

Hey guys,
sorry I haven't written in a while. Past couple of days have been tough for me. On tuesday, I had to take our dog to the vet to be put down. She was sick, and wasn't getting better, so she was only suffering. We tried helping her out all that we could, but nothing was changing, so we decided that the best and most respectful thing to do for her was to let her go so she wouldn't have to be in pain anymore. I was right next to her when she was given the shot when she died. I decided to stay with her cause pets can tell at that moment when you're with them or not. It happened really fast, and she went quietly.I was hard to do, but ultimately, it was better for her. I was thinking all the rest of that day, Why am I so emotional? It's just an animal, I shouldn't be this affected! I know the reason why is because me and my family had known her since she was a puppy, and had raised her, walked her and played with her and cuddled with her, so she had become a part of our family. Now that she's gone, the house has gotten a certain kind of quiet. I can no longer hear her collar tags jangling whenever she moves around the house, nor the way she pants or her barking.

It's hard right now to kinda go from day to day without thinking about her. I mean, how could you not after losing a pet? The night before we took her in, I tried watching a couple sad videos, like from Marley & Me, and Forrest Gump, and whatever else I could think of to get the tears out and over with. When I got home, I realized I was dreadfully wrong. In order to not think about it, I kept myself busy getting people places since I had become designated driver since my parents were in denver getting some appointments taken care of. Surprisingly, having the Broadway soundtrack of Hamilton helped me a bit. It was something to have while working through grieving. I can't say that this will be easy for me to get over, but something that helps me out is that I know she's not in any pain anymore. I don't exactly know if animals get to go to heaven or not, but I hope she's happy wherever she is. Me and my family have also been able to get support from friends and family which has been amazing. I guess what I got from this past experience is that I never want to do it again for a long time. Utah only lived to be about 8, and I hope that if we get another dog, that they have a little more time with us. Cause honestly, I felt like Utah was here and then she was gone. It seems like only yesterday when she was an adorable bundle of fur and brought her home.

She didn't exactly do a whole lot the last couple months she was with us, but at least we knew she was there. All I can say is that she was the greatest dog to me, and we had the best of times with her. I wish we could have had more time, but sometimes, life doesn't work that way. I miss her every day, and probably will for the rest of my life, cause no dog can ever take her place, cause she was a special dog with so many messages to share. One time, we were out doing something and had left her in the backyard. There was a bad thunderstorm, and she got scared and somehow got out of the fenced enclosure and ran away.  It wasn't till later when we found her at the dog pound. Apparently the dog catcher had caught her while she was on the run. As my dad went in to pay to get her out, he realized that what he was doing for our dog, Utah, is what God did for us. When he had given us a home, and loved us, we had run away from him until our sins caught up with us. Through Jesus, we were given salvation and another chance, as my dad had given had given her another chance by buying her back from the dog pound. Needless to say, she never ran away from us again, cause she knew who she was safest with: her family. I will forever be grateful to her for how she stayed with us through all the constant moving around and crazy bumps in the road of life. I guess they meant it when they called the dog "Man's Best Friend", cause that's what she was.

So sorry to keep you guys waiting, thank you for reading!

September

So, this past month has been pretty interesting in of itself. One of my sisters and I were able to see my oldest sister and her husband in Salt Lake City, we went to durango and hung out with family a bit, my sister and my brother in law came just came this past friday and they spent the weekend with us cause my 16-year-old sister was in a singing contest (which she did not win, sadly but still rocked the house and did amazingly.) It's possible our dog might need to be put down as she has gotten sick and in all ways basically deteriorated in front of us, so my mom has been saying that quality of life has to be considered as she is miserable and can barely walk which is hard for me to see as I have known her all her life, so I've been still struggling with the fact that she might need to be let go pretty soon. It's not something I like thinking about, but I don't like seeing her suffer daily with just doing the simple task of walking and eating and drinking. I'm excited about what these next couple of months have for me, as we're planning school trips and I'm starting the long and arduous path to graduation. I've been into Hamilton a WHOLE lot. It's basically what I listen to most of the time now. The fact that American history that hasn't been touched on has been turned into a musical, that then has rap mixed in with it, both amazes and astounds me with the level of creativity that's been put into it. I've even gone so far as to order it for the local library, cause I'm wanting to get it into my iPod as fast as I can. I'm also hoping to see the play, as I saw a poster for it while I was in Salt Lake City that said it would be showing there at one of the local theaters in town. So all in all, I know these next few months will have its ups and downs, but I'm more or less ready for them. Thanks for reading and waiting!!