Monday 10/03/17

I know I haven't posted anything much on this blog cause I've been focused on my other one more. I've kinda been trying to shape it up a little more cause before it was disorganized like writing wise and topic wise. Now I've been able to work on my writing and making things a bit more organized in the area of topics. Speaking of topics, let's talk about the mind, mine especially. Today I have felt all over the place mood wise. One thing that has been able to help me understand myself more psychologically is something from Doctor Who, actually. Not a tv episode but an audio one. (And yes before you ask, they make those too.) It's called "Caerdroia", from the 8th Doctor's adventures in the Divergent Universe after the whole Zagreus thing goes down (if you want to know more it's mentioned in my other blog but I'm getting off the subject).

 In this weirdly named episode the Doctor ends up getting split into 3 different parts of his personality and what makes him, him: a ditzy giddy one, an incredibly snarky one and then the third Doctor is just the normal one with the two incarnate personalities combined. Going through depression, I sometimes have good days where I find myself laughing and being silly, like the Ditzy Doctor. Other days when daily stresses and the depression combine and make a double threat and decide to pounce I find that I've become basically like the Snarky Doctor. Although both personalities were unbearable and interesting to get to know in some way in the episode, in the end they were used to get to the solution, which was finding the TARDIS that happened to be in the center of the labyrinth, whereupon all 3 combined and everything was right again. What's interesting about this episode is that the title of the episode, "Caerdroia", happens to mean 'fortress of turns' which is basically synonymous with the word "labyrinth".

 Being the kind of person that I am (who happens to be very visual with the way I think and talk) I kinda picture my whole emotional situation as a kind of 'fortress of turns' and I haven't gotten to the TARDIS yet (the moment of clarifying balance where I'm finally myself and at peace) and I'm still trying to find my way towards the end of the maze. It's a weird analogy I know, but it kinda helps me see things more clearly actually. Sometimes I feel close to the end but other days I feel like I keep getting stuck in the dead ends only continuing to feel more defeated as I wonder what is wrong with me since I can't seem to find an easy way out. Nothing is wrong with me. My self grievance happens to be a side effect of depression. And I know that I am talking about Doctor Who in my non-geek blog but sometimes I feel like I can keep myself pretty well translated when I talk about it or quote it (much to the chagrin of my siblings). But I think as long as we're able to find a way to help ourselves be understood by others it's pretty much on the right track. I'm not exactly out of the labyrinth yet, but I'm close, and that's pretty much what counts to me. Sometimes I feel like there are people who know they're strong and then there are others who have to kind of look for the feeling of strength. I kinda feel like I'm still looking for mine. I will eventually, it's going to take some time. And I'm willing to wait for it.


Thanks for reading, and happy monday, guys!!

Tuesday 10/03/17

Given the awful events of saturday night, I will say this: This beautiful rock we call home sucks at times. Sure we weren't designed to have such tragedy happen like this, but to go further and say a bunch of soft happy stuff such as that would be shorting my way through a blog post. Sometimes, though, humanity is strong. I just saw The Zookeeper's Wife and it was a VERY strong testament to what good people can do in the darkest times. But other times, humans decide to act out and hurt others like what happened in Las Vegas. I'm not pardoning the shooter in any way. But as long as we remember the "pile of good things", those black days might not seem so hard to get through. One thing humanity can always be credited for is toughing it out. It won't happen as fast as we want to, because sadly, there were casualties, and as far as I know, they seem to be rising count wise. One thing about grief that I wil say is that it's a process.

It's hard to wake up cause The Realization only hits you in the chest, making you feel more awful than ever before. But as long you just take the steps required to just keep going, you will come out stronger, but different. It's not the different we want to be, but grief does that. It makes who you used to be vacate the premesis only to be replaced with a harder, and more sad version of yourself who you had no idea was coming. But as long as we remember just how kind the world can be, we will all trudge through this devastation, learn how to clean things up, and start what we need to do in order to keep these sorts of things from happening. Being a christian, I acknowlegde that death isn't going away until God decides to come back, but if there is a way of making less death happen, then I'm all for it.

I thought this clip fit because above all, one of the most important things that humanity can do for each other is kindness. We should all try to remember that. And I think that once we do, we'll REALLY get the ball rolling on what needs to be bettered.

Thanks for reading, and happy tuesday, guys!!!