I know I haven't posted anything much on this blog cause I've been focused on my other one more. I've kinda been trying to shape it up a little more cause before it was disorganized like writing wise and topic wise. Now I've been able to work on my writing and making things a bit more organized in the area of topics. Speaking of topics, let's talk about the mind, mine especially. Today I have felt all over the place mood wise. One thing that has been able to help me understand myself more psychologically is something from Doctor Who, actually. Not a tv episode but an audio one. (And yes before you ask, they make those too.) It's called "Caerdroia", from the 8th Doctor's adventures in the Divergent Universe after the whole Zagreus thing goes down (if you want to know more it's mentioned in my other blog but I'm getting off the subject).
In this weirdly named episode the Doctor ends up getting split into 3 different parts of his personality and what makes him, him: a ditzy giddy one, an incredibly snarky one and then the third Doctor is just the normal one with the two incarnate personalities combined. Going through depression, I sometimes have good days where I find myself laughing and being silly, like the Ditzy Doctor. Other days when daily stresses and the depression combine and make a double threat and decide to pounce I find that I've become basically like the Snarky Doctor. Although both personalities were unbearable and interesting to get to know in some way in the episode, in the end they were used to get to the solution, which was finding the TARDIS that happened to be in the center of the labyrinth, whereupon all 3 combined and everything was right again. What's interesting about this episode is that the title of the episode, "Caerdroia", happens to mean 'fortress of turns' which is basically synonymous with the word "labyrinth".
Being the kind of person that I am (who happens to be very visual with the way I think and talk) I kinda picture my whole emotional situation as a kind of 'fortress of turns' and I haven't gotten to the TARDIS yet (the moment of clarifying balance where I'm finally myself and at peace) and I'm still trying to find my way towards the end of the maze. It's a weird analogy I know, but it kinda helps me see things more clearly actually. Sometimes I feel close to the end but other days I feel like I keep getting stuck in the dead ends only continuing to feel more defeated as I wonder what is wrong with me since I can't seem to find an easy way out. Nothing is wrong with me. My self grievance happens to be a side effect of depression. And I know that I am talking about Doctor Who in my non-geek blog but sometimes I feel like I can keep myself pretty well translated when I talk about it or quote it (much to the chagrin of my siblings). But I think as long as we're able to find a way to help ourselves be understood by others it's pretty much on the right track. I'm not exactly out of the labyrinth yet, but I'm close, and that's pretty much what counts to me. Sometimes I feel like there are people who know they're strong and then there are others who have to kind of look for the feeling of strength. I kinda feel like I'm still looking for mine. I will eventually, it's going to take some time. And I'm willing to wait for it.
Thanks for reading, and happy monday, guys!!
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