July 2021

 Hi, guys!

Sorry I haven't been able to update you for the past two months. I relocated to texas for a couple years to complete an associates in Early Childhood Education online, as well as continue to learn ASL (American Sign Language), and on top of that I'm a full-time nanny to a couple and their first child (so exciting!). This is also another update post about me. I need to tell you something. I know that blogs are usually for people telling others about things that happen, but I just need you to listen for a sec. The butterflies are swirling in my stomach as I write this, but I'm going to press on. I have changed my pronouns, and they are "she/they". I don't find myself non-binary because I identify as a girl and/or woman. However, my life has been one where self-development hasn't had much time to begin let alone happen, so to try to sort things out, I have decided to go with "she/they" for now because this offers me space to breathe, figure out who I am, and begin building. Life is about learning about who you are, and this is the best way I know how for myself so that things can start to make sense a little more. I also feel that there's just so much me, and so much potential with that, that it can't exactly be fit into one word. 

So I'm saying that I identify as a cis female. In terms of where sexuality is concerned, that makes me cishet (cisgender, heterosexual). How do I feel about this announcement and self-realization? Nervous, but there's a layer of calm and peace about it if you can believe it. Talking about it in a public platform like this is nerve-wracking, but I want to be honest with myself as well as with you guys, and this is also where I start accepting who I am and that development and growth will start and that it will be good, even in the hard bits. Now I'm not going to be tetchy with the "they" thing; you can keep calling me "she" or "her". The word "they" is mostly for me because that word means there's a building space, and there's room for growth and exploration and development. The funny thing is, I've been thinking about this quite a bit, especially today. I know that I'm a person, with a name, with family and friends, and a history, but for me, I feel in terms of personal growth, things still feel quite blank, like I'm still figuring out who I am, like a blog post that's still under writing construction, to put it mildly. Let's put it like this: I don't prefer to think of myself as a filing cabinet with sharp corners and drawers where things are separated and categorized; I'd rather like to think of myself as more of a rolodex: things are together and not separate, but they're all together and still categorized, and rather in a circle instead of that of a rectangular file cabinet. Feel free to talk to me about what I'm saying in this post, I'm still figuring all this out as I just decided this today. Nothing about me will change, but I think today marks the start of something that I think will end up being really, really good. 

Thanks for reading, and happy sunday!